Video calling is the thing that changes people’s lives the most and frightens them the most, usually in that order. At the clinic it is the request I get more than any other, and it is nearly always somebody who has been put off by a bad first go.
The good news is that the difficulty is almost never the calling. It is the choosing.
The rule that saves all the bother
Use whatever the people you want to see are already using.
That is the whole decision. Not the best app, not the one with the clearest picture. The one your family already has open on their phones, because then nobody has to learn anything or set anything up at your end.
So ring your daughter and ask her what she uses. If she says WhatsApp, the answer is WhatsApp. If the grandchildren are on FaceTime and everyone has an iPhone, the answer is FaceTime. Do not let anybody talk you into a different one because it is technically better. Technically better and nobody else has it is worse.
What each one is, briefly
WhatsApp. The most common in this country by a distance. Works on any phone or tablet, Apple or otherwise. If your family is spread across different kinds of phone, this is almost certainly the answer.
FaceTime. Apple only, both ends. If everyone in the family has an iPhone or iPad it is the simplest of the lot because it is already there and there is nothing to install.
Messenger. Part of Facebook. Sensible if you already use Facebook and that is where your family are.
Zoom. Better than the others for groups of more than three or four, which is why it is worth knowing about for a family Christmas or a birthday with everyone on at once. Fiddlier for a one to one chat.
Making it easier once it is set up
This is the part that gets skipped, and it is what turns video calling from something you can do into something you actually do.
Put the people you ring most as favourites. Every one of these apps lets you do it. It means ringing your daughter is two taps rather than scrolling through a list.
Make the writing bigger. Both Apple and Android will enlarge the text across the whole phone, and it makes an enormous difference to how confident people feel. It is in Settings under Display. Bring it to the clinic and I will do it in a minute.
Prop it up. Holding a phone at arm’s length for twenty minutes is tiring and the picture wobbles. A five pound stand, or leaning it against a mug, is a genuine improvement.
Sit with a window in front of you, not behind. A window behind you turns you into a silhouette. Facing the light is the single biggest improvement to how you look, and it costs nothing.
The three things that go wrong
“They cannot hear me.” Almost always the microphone permission. The first time you use one of these apps it asks whether it may use the microphone and camera, and it is very easy to say no by accident. Delete the app and install it again, and say yes this time.
“It keeps freezing.” Usually the wi-fi rather than the app, particularly if you are in a far room. Try moving nearer the router. If your wi-fi is generally poor, that is a separate thing worth fixing.
“I cannot see myself properly.” There is a button that swaps between the camera facing you and the one facing away. Everybody presses it by accident. Press it again.
If you are helping a parent from a distance
Set it up when you are with them in person if you possibly can, not over the phone. Twenty minutes together is worth two hours of trying to describe which button.
Then ring them the same evening from the next room, so the first real call happens while you are still there to sort anything out.
And write it down. A single sheet of paper: open this app, tap this, tap the picture of me. Kept by the phone. It sounds patronising and it is the thing people thank me for most.
Come and practise
If you would rather someone showed you, bring your phone or tablet to the Friday clinic at Wadswick Green, any Friday between ten and twelve. We will set it up and do a practice call so the first real one is not the first one.
Bring the device charged, and if you know the password for it, bring that too. If you do not know the password, bring it anyway and we will work it out.